The Mixed-up Files of a Pastor's Kid

Friday marked six weeks of social distancing and working from home. You guys, I am exhausted.

COVID-19 has changed everything. We will never go back to what we knew as “normal”. And even after there is a vaccine, and we no longer live with the threat of this virus, many of us will probably wipe down our groceries for the rest of our lives.

Before coronavirus, I had a mental checklist for going out- phone, wallet, keys, glasses. Now I’ve added mask to the list. I leave the house maybe once a week these days and preparing to leave feels like gearing up for the strangest apocalypse. My car is always stocked with wipes, hand sanitizer, and a pair of gloves- just in case. Every time I put on my mask, I wonder if my glasses will fog up again.

As a young single woman living in Philadelphia, you better believe I hightailed my behind to my parents’ house in suburbia once everything started shutting down. There is free food, a backyard,  and- most importantly- toilet paper here. I am grateful that I had the option.

But I miss my own space. Y’all ever tried moving back in with your parents and siblings after you’ve been living on your own for years? Issa lot.

So is this working from home business.

Somebody said they had no idea you could work from home and still be ready to go. I have never felt something more in my whole life.

I am grateful that I can work from home. And I’m thankful to have a job…despite the 20% pay cut…sigh. But I am over it. If one more person asks me to turn on my camera for these endless conference calls, I’m gonna lose it. You don’t need to see me. Say what you gotta say and go.

I am a firm believer in boundaries and right now there are none. My bedroom, is my office, is my living room and it’s driving me insane. Half of my coworkers have now seen my bedroom. That is not okay.

The world turned upside down six weeks ago and employers want us to carry on as usual. I will not accept that. The constant push to “stay busy” is horrifying and has actually made me very angry.  The constant bombardment of messages and emails is exhausting. Zoom fatigue is real.

Speaking of Zoom, the saints are gonna Zoom y’all to death.

The saints are hosting three plus hour live streams. Why? Even in quarantine you gotta have first service, Sabbath School, second service, AND a concert? Never mind the endless prayer meetings, bible studies, and seminars during the week. Six weeks in, people are still dressing in full church attire to go to the living room. I’m learning that a lot of y’all are just addicted to church services and don’t know what to do with yourselves without them.

Pastors are having too much fun with these virtual backgrounds. Why are you using drone footage as your background? A friend of mine said people are coming for the word but leaving with motion sickness. Somebody please help the green screen ministry.

On a serious note, I will say this. Any “saint” calling this pandemic a hoax needs to be disfellowshipped. I said what I said. The same goes for anyone calling for in person services. They are a clear and present danger to the congregations they influence.

Also, stop asking if I’m tithing my stimulus check. That’s my business.

It’s time we start facing the fact that church as we know it has forever changed. Of course I don’t think that’s a bad thing, but y’all know I’m a rebel.

Many churches may not survive this- financially or otherwise. Some saints are realizing they have no desire to go back to how church was pre-corona. Welcome to the club. I know of at least one pastor who won’t hold in person church board meetings again. When somebody starts acting up on Zoom, all you gotta do is mute them.

I’ve learned quite a bit about myself and the culture I live in over the past six weeks. I’m not gonna tell you to spend quarantine finding a new hobby, investing your stimulus check, or shedding those extra ten pounds. Our society is obsessed with being productive. It’s okay not to be right now. It’s okay to be sad, angry, and frustrated about this. It does not mean you lack faith either. None of this is normal. Be gentle with yourself.

I often think about the changes we’ll make post quarantine. I am convinced this will change every aspect of our lives- from church to work to architecture. A post-COVID-19 world may look very different.

On the bright side, I don’t have to pay my student loans right now. I’ve also picked up yoga. Contrary to the saints’ beliefs, it does not involve any indoctrination. It’s just really hard. Anyway, stay home. Wash your hands. Ask before sending Zoom invites. Namaste. Excuse me. Shalom 😉