“You’ve graduated twice already and have a career. No more excuses. You’re independent, smart, and know how to get what you need for yourself…relationship time.”
My dear cousin sent that to me a few weeks ago. I was honestly too stunned to have a good response at the time but I do now. I’M TRYING!
Y’all, dating in 2019 is the worse. It’s frustrating and dating apps are HORRIBLE.
Most of us have tried an assortment of them. But as bad as they are, swiping left and right has become an addicting pastime and a never ending cycle of, “Maybe this swipe is ‘the one'”.
And while us single people are struggling with the dating pool, our newsfeeds and timelines on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram are flooded with “perfect” relationships. We are just bombarded with gorgeous “baecations,” #couplegoals, beautiful engagements, and lavish weddings.
And it’s creating real fear. So many of us are asking, “What if that just never happens for me?”
What I’m realizing though, is most of the stuff we see online is just fantasy and staged perfection. I would even respectfully submit to you that many of those couples are miserable. Some (many) people settled.
You see, most people were not taught how to date or form healthy, romantic relationships. Growing up we were not allowed to have boyfriends or girlfriends. Even in college a saint told me, “Don’t focus on the boys. Just focus on school.” Now we’re approaching 30 and people want to know why we’re not married.
Those of us who grew up in church had another layer to deal with. The instructions the church gave us for dating were simple. Don’t have sex. The guidance for marriage was even simpler. Marry an Adventist. See? Easy.
Meanwhile, “Christian” marriages were struggling and failing all around us. Even those that were supposedly “equally yoked”. But those couples did their best to pretend that everything was fine. Their marriages looked perfect on the outside. Behind closed doors, those relationships were in shambles.
Last week, a saint was a lot more candid about the situation. She simply said, “We failed your generation and I am sorry.”
Needless to say I was shook because have y’all ever heard of a West Indian Baby Boomer apologizing and admitting they did something wrong??? Whew.
Sorry, I’ve digressed.
Anyway, that’s what we saw- a bunch of bad relationships flaunted as if they were perfect. And as a result, that’s exactly what we know how to do. We know how to pretend to be in love. We know how to stage a perfect relationship in public and on social media. It’s why some people are only together because they take nice pictures with each other. For the record, that’s not a good reason to date someone let alone, marry them.
If you can’t say amen, say ouch.
I’m learning my generation craves “true love” but has no idea how to find it or what to do with it if they stumble upon it. I believe that’s why situationships are so popular right now. People are terrified of commitment and no one wants to get hurt.
Adulting is already hard as it is. I struggle trying to balance work, the gym, and just regular adult stuff like going to the grocery store and doing laundry. Now I’m supposed to throw in trying to find Mr. Right? Who has the time? It’s hard enough just trying to make new friends.
It’s why dating apps are so intriguing. In theory, you have unlimited options literally in the palm of your hand. But first you have to weed through the bums, those just looking for sex, and the people who don’t know the difference between there, their, and they’re.
When you finally get a decent match, you run into another problem. Nobody wants to make the first move.
My brother and I have had endless conversations about this. Here is the essence of the problem. Women like to feel wanted and would often prefer the guy to make the first move. Meanwhile, men think women have all these options so a woman who is truly interested will initiate a conversation. Nobody wants to come off too strong and we all fear rejection. So, many of us end up with tons of matches on these dating apps but nobody is saying a word.
It is annoying. It is exasperating. It is discouraging. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. So what’s a girl to do?
Swipe left, swipe right, rinse, repeat.
It is Christmastime. Maybe I’ll run into Mr. Right on the train or walking downtown like in those cheesy Hallmark movies 😉