The Mixed-up Files of a Pastor's Kid

Somebody said tradition is just peer pressure from dead people. I would argue it’s peer pressure from the living too. Now don’t get me wrong, traditions are important. Traditions connect us to the past. They provide a sense of stability and comfort, teach us about our culture and where we come from, and give us belonging and identity. It’s why pepperpot hits every Christmas (IYKYK)!

But somehow we’ve allowed tradition to trap us into these ridiculous requirements and expectations for ourselves and others.

I see it all the time in church. COVID closed the doors of the church for about a year or two depending on your denomination and political affiliation…I’m not even gonna touch that right now.

Anyway, church finally reopened with an incredible opportunity to reimagine the whole thing. The moment was ripe for change. And you know what the saints did? They went right back to what they were doing before. Down to voting to return to an 11:00am start time.

Never mind that Millennials have left, and Gen Z is hanging on by a thread. Sabbath School must start at 9:15am because apparently that’s the time Jesus went to Sabbath School.

The same debates are back too! For Adventists that means arguing about having meat in the church, which version of the Bible is acceptable, whether or not we should sing “hymns”, and bothering people about their jewelry. They are fighting 1980 battles in 2024! No wonder the church is dying.

I want to go back to church. I really do. But the saints have got to get it together. I don’t want to hear anything about my earrings. I’m not arguing with you about eating chicken in the fellowship hall. Furthermore, I’m certainly not coming to sit through your 3+ hour service. And I promise you it isn’t because I’m not “spiritual”.

But it’s not just church. You find this stuff in the workplace too. This big push for a “return to the office” is actually insane.

Over the past four years, a lot of us have been able to mold work around our lives in a way that simply wasn’t possible before. We don’t have to spend two hours of our day just commuting to and from the office. Parents with young children have more flexibility. It’s actually possible to make it to the post office on a weekday. And if I have to work late, I can do it from the comfort of my house.

But now, we’re supposed to be back in the office five days a week? Never mind that it was killing us. Apparently we’re supposed to do it simply because…that’s what we’ve always done?

I will admit there are some valid(ish) reasons to return to the office (although I still say five days a week is outrageous). One reason that’s often brought up is to build community, which is important. We all need community and it is one of the biggest things lacking in this “post COVID” world. The real question though is, should my community be linked to a place that can let me go at a moment’s notice? …I’m gonna leave that one alone too.

This tradition stuff has also spilled over into the dating world. We have people yelling on the interwebs about wanting a “traditional” partner, but they themselves can’t and/or won’t be a “traditional” partner. Please make it make sense.

My dad used to tell me a story about a woman who would cut up her turkey every Thanksgiving to cook it. When asked why, she said, “Well, that’s what my mother did!” Turns out, her mom only cut up the turkey because it was too big to fit into the oven.

And you know, that’s what a lot of us are doing. We’re cutting up the turkey even though we have a double wall oven. Blindly following traditions without knowing that they stem from trauma. And in return, those traditions have traumatized our parents, us, and the generations after us.

Instead of asking questions, seeking understanding, and trying to grow and change, we’ve started strange traditions of our own. Like eating 12 grapes under a table at midnight on New Years. Imagine trying to explain that to your kids 30 years from now. Also, spoiler alert, grapes will not cancel out your bad decisions.

Anyway, welcome back to The Mixed-Up Files of a Pastor’s Kid. This is my official “relaunch”. I’m older, wiser, and ready to start (restart) conversations that have been brewing for years. I hope you find this corner of the internet as a place to laugh, reflect, and find inspiration to stir up some change in your own world. And if this post made you upset…you probably won’t like it here. Sorry, not sorry.

“Tradition is the living faith of the dead, traditionalism is the dead faith of the living.” -Jaroslav Pelikan

Maybe it’s time to let go of some of those crazy traditions you’ve been holding on to. Trade your grapes for your Bible. Stop hating on the people who don’t want to go back into the office full-time . Don’t date self proclaimed “traditional” men when you know you’re not a “traditional” woman. Stop arguing about old stuff. It’s a new year! Try mixing old traditions with something new. Be like my best friend’s niece and dip your rum cake into your porridge. It sounds crazy but you just may find that you like it!